The Joker goes to McDonalds
by xxHarleyxx
Summary: As the title says. What happens when the Joker goes to Maccas for lunch? But things don't go his way...   Purely comical and for the Ha Ha's!
1. Chapter 1

_Hello Kiddies!  
This is a purely humorous fic. I started wondering, one day, whilst eating lunch, what would happen if the Joker decided to come to Maccas. This first chapter is a tiny little taster of what's to come. Hope you all enjoy!  
Harley xx_

* * *

I stood at the counter, a bored look on my face, as I re-scrubbed the same tray for what felt like, the hundredth time. If I had to clean one more thing I swear I was going to kill someone. I dropped my cloth and swore loudly, bending down to scoop it up. There was a sudden...

CRASH.

Followed by a loud...

BANG.

And then a series of screams from random costumers. I rolled my eyes. This was _Gotham._ What did they expect? I _peaceful _day. There was no way THAT would ever happen. I turned my back on the counter, throwing the cloth into a growing pile. As far as I was concerned, the people of Gotham scared to easy... the noise was probably just some kid falling over and smacking against the perfectly clean glass door.  
"Great! I'll have to go clean up THAT mess next..." I mumbled, growling under my breath. There was a tapping of fingers on the counter and my glare deepened. Impatient costumers. I HATED impatient costumers. If I wasn't ready to serve then they could just wait! I reached for a new cloth, making sure the costumer could see just how slowly my arm was moving. There was a click...wait – was that a switchblade?

"Are you-err- going to serve me, or wha**t**?"

The color drained from my face and I turned around. There, standing at the counter, surrounded by his six clowns, was The Joker. He was wearing his custom suit, his trademark knife in his hand. His makeup made the anger that much more terrifying. My eyes widened and I darted to my register.

"Hi, what can I get for you, today?" I asked, my voice higher than usual. Yes, I was scared. Fucking petrified, actually. But I tried to remain calm...what was he going to do? He was on his _lunch_ break after all. I glanced to my right, the other customers were all shaking in their seats staring at the gun's in the clown's hands.  
"Look at me!" the Joker said, his voice rough. My eyes shot back to his. I'd never been this close to him before. I'd only ever seen pictures. From here, I could see every jagged line of his scars. I winced, I could only imagine the pain he would have gone through. And his eyes. He gave nothing away. It was like staring into a dark pit. A darkness that seemed to carry on forever. That scared me more than the scars. I hated not knowing what people were thinking, and with him, it was impossible to figure out.

"Err – Got that? Sweetcheeks?"

I blinked, dumbly.

"Sorry, can you repeat that?"

He sighed, shaking his head as he tutted.  
"It's- err very rude, to stare!" he leant over the counter and wrapped his hand in my long hair, pulling my head closer. I felt the cold sting of his blade against my mouth and my heart went into overdrive.  
"You seem nervous..." he smiled. A mocking smile. "Is it the scars? Wanna know how I got 'em?"

A clown stepped forward, his face hidden by a tasteless mask, he tapped the joker on the shoulder.  
"WHAT?" the joker pushed me away and whipped around, his knife now at the goons neck.  
"Boss... don't you think we should just, you know, g-get the food. Your on a break. You need to..r-relax." The guy was scared out of his mind. I didn't blame him. The Joker turned back to me. Tapping the knife against his lips as he stared, looking me up and down. He burst into laughter and, slowly, put his knife away. I let out the breath I had been holding.  
"That uniforms not very – err – flattering, is it?" he mocked, Stupid Joker. I hated the uniform. He was right. It wasnt flattering! But hearing it from him just made me angry. He flicked the top of my hat and grinned.  
"The hat is just- err- precious!" he fell into another fit of giggles and I sighed. Waiting.

"Alright-" he squinted at my name tag. "Kristy? Heh, I'm going to call you Krusty! M'kay?"  
"O-kay." I answered through clenched teeth. Stupid fucking clown!

"I'll get- err six big mac meals. Biggest yah can get. Upsize everything. My men are hungry."

"Will that be all?"

"No, no, no... Now I'll have..." he stared at the menu, grinning. He was purposely taking his time. Just to annoy me. My hands clenched into fists at my sides. My knuckles cracked loudly and The Joker snapped his attention to me.  
"Getting impatien**t **are we, _Krusty."_

"_Not at all, sir." _I almost growled. Almost. The Joker lost it, again. What was with this guy and laughing?  
"Sir? Sir! No. No Krusty, call me Mr.J."he winked. "Sir _was_ my father."

Was he flirting? I swallowed, looking back at the screen in front of me.  
"Alright, Mr. J. What would you like?"

"I'll get a – err – box of cookies. Large chocolate sundae. _Extra_ topping. You know what? Make seven of 'em. I'm feeling generou_**s**__._" A goon threw his hands happily in the air. Guess the Joker didn't feel generous too often.

"Give me a Double quarter pounder. Without the double. Change the meat to a chicken patty. Without the sauce. Without the pickle. Without the onion. Add chicken sauce."

"So...You want the McChicken?" I frowned.

"NO! I said I want the double quarter. Without the doub- "

"Okay! Okay, got it. Anything else?" He was such a frustrating man.

"Yeah, some nice bubbled water to drink."

Bubbled water...what the FUCK was bubbled water?

"Sure thing. That comes to-"  
"I'll be paying with it by _card."_ he handed over a joker card. A daring smile on his face. I frowned at it, taking it from his gloved hand.  
"Err..savings, cheque or credit?" I asked and he laughed.  
"I like you, kid. You're – err funny."

I rolled my eyes at him.  
"Sure. I'll just get a manager to sign off on _this." _

I stormed to the back of the store, whipping open the managers door. My manager, along with the other workers, were all hiding under the large desk.  
"I wondered where you all went." I sighed. "Sir, I need you out front. Please."

His lip was visibly quivering as he stood up and followed me back to The Joker.  
"The...um...customer would like to pay with card. Do we accept...playing cards here?" I said as the Joker smiled at me. The manager gave him one look and began nodding violently.  
"Yes! Yes we do. Here." he opened the register. "Put it in there. I'll help you get your meal so the nice man isn't waiting."

The manager's eyes began tearing up with fear. The Joker smiled at him.  
"Thanks – err, what's your name?"

"B-B-Bob."

"Well thanks B-B-Bob!"

The manager began piling food into take-away bags, throwing in extra burgers and fries just to keep The Joker happy. I shook my head. He was a coward. I took my time making up the drinks. Six cokes and...a bubbled water? I piled the cokes on a tray and went back to the drink machine, staring at it. I shrugged and filled the cup with water, slamming it on the tray as I adjusted my hat.  
"There ya go. Have a nice day." I turned to leave, happy that was over with, when the Joker reached over and grabbed my arm.  
"Say, Krusty. Where are my- err – bubbles?" he handed the drink over to me, watching to see what I'd do. My patience snapped.  
"Sorry about that. Here."  
I stuck the straw between my teeth, took a deep breath and blew out, bubbles erupting in the water. I did it again, just to make sure, and then handed the drink back over the counter. The goons laughed. My manager fainted. The Joker smiled, and then he cracked his neck to the side. _Oh shit. _

"_Krusty._ Though I apprecia_**te **_your – err – creativity. That's no_**t**_ what I asked for. I wanted the – err – sprite. Ya know. Bubbled water?"

"How the fuck is sprite bubbled water?" I yelled. The room went deadly silent. The Joker shook his head.  
"Tut. Tut Krusty. That is not wha_**t**_ I call friendly customer service." He grabbed my arm. Holding it tightly in one hand as he rested the tip of the blade against my skin.  
"This is strike one." he dug the blade into my arm, running it down in a deep line as I screamed. Blood poured from the gash and he laughed, pushing me away as he grabbed the food and turned around.  
"Three strikes and your _out. _See ya next time, Krusty._" _

I clung to my bleeding arm, my vision began to blur and then everything went black.

* * *

_Tell me what ya think! _


	2. Chapter 2

_Hello again :)  
Thank you, to those who have reviewed so far! Your reviews are really appreciated! Here's another chapter. Hope you like!_

Harley xx 

* * *

I sprayed the tray in my hand, wincing as I tried to wipe it down with a fresh cloth. My arm was bandaged, the scar left behind by the Joker, still stinging. It had been a week and he hadn't come back. I didn't bother asking for time off to _"recover." _Almost every worker that day already had. And they'd been granted it! Apparently, according to the police and _batman, _any run in with the Joker was enough to traumatise someone for life. I scoffed, grabbing another tray. Really, he hadn't been _that _bad. Sure, he'd carved up my arm. But I had snapped. If anything he was just frustrating. Annoying. A plain out smart-arse! I reached around to grab a quick drink when I heard the door open and a loud, very obvious, throat clear. I turned around and the cup slipped from my hand, covering my shoes and the floor around me in _bubbled water. _

"Hey there – err – Krusty! Ya miss me?"

_Great.  
_

I rolled my eyes and ran my hand pointedly over the bandage. The Joker noticed and looked at me with mock sympathy.

"Yeah...I'm- er – sorry about that. Guess you could say I have a – err – anger issue." He let out a terrifying laugh and my body tensed. I wanted this over and done with as quickly as possible.

"What can I get for you this time, _Mister J." _

He pulled a receipt from his pocket and slammed it on the counter.

"You see – err – Krusty. My men and I went through your drive thru and they – err – need some help with our order. Would you mind coming out to – err fix it up?"

"Coming out? Why would I need to go outside? You pick the order up at the window!"

"This was a – err – rather _big _order. We need a hand getting it in the- err – bags."

I sighed, not bothering to look at the receipt. I pulled off my hat and followed him outside. He practically skipped as he moved ahead of me, rounding the corner and laughing. I shook my head.  
"What could possibly be funny about this corn- " I froze as I stared at the van in front of me. It had been crashed straight through the menu sign. The window pane was completely destroyed. The server stood in the window, pale with wide eyes, as he held the take-away bag out with a shaky hand. The Ronald McDonald statue, which doubled as the speaker box, was now tied to the top of the van. I gaped at the statue, anger bubbling in my stomach as sparks flew from the destroyed wires. The Joker caught my expression and grinned.  
"I've always wanted a drive in option at my place..thought I'd -err – throw it into my order."  
"So is _this_ the trouble you're having! Getting you're crashed van out of my destroyed drive thru!" I shrieked, ready to throw a fit.  
"No, No, No." he pulled open the van door and gestured inside. "I also ordered _this _but we're having trouble – err – getting it in the back."  
I let out a shriek. Our newbie, Patrick, had been asked this morning to dress up in the resteraunts Ronald McDonald costume to promote mcHappy day. He was young, so he'd agreed. He _had_ been standing along side the statue, holding a sign and welcoming costumers. He was now inside the Van, surrounded by three of the Jokers goons as they tried to shove him in one of our larger Take-away bags.  
"WHAT are you doing with him?" I reached for Patrick, tears swimming down his face, and I dragged him from the van.  
"He looks like me!" The Joker stuck out his bottom lip. "I though we could – err – go around Gotham as twins."

"He looks nothing like you!" I stood in front of him, holding his arm tightly as he shook with fear.  
"I'm sorry, Mister J, but Patrick is not on the menu!"  
"Alright, Krusty. Can I have you instead." he winked. I growled. The goons hooted. The manager came out, saw the damage, and fainted again.  
"Look. You can have the speaker box and I'll throw in a Ronald McDonald Bobble-Head. That's the best I can do."  
The Joker scratched his chin, gave me a meaningfull look and then held his hand out.

"Deal." He shook my hand and jumped into the truck revving the engine. He destroyed the garden as he backed out.  
"I'll be – err – back for that bobble-head. See if you can make it look just like me? Kay Krusty!"

He sped down the road, one of the tables from our front patio being dragged behind by a piece of rope attached to the boot of the truck. I kicked the wall angrily, glaring at the server.  
"What did he _actually_ order. Besides Patrick, the table, and our speaker box?"  
"A – a cup of water."  
"That's _it_."  
"And... he took my hat."

I let out a furious yell and stormed back inside.


	3. Chapter 3

_I want to thank everyone who has read and reviewed for my story so far! It really means a lot to me :) I especially want to thank my biggest fan ;) He knows who he is. His constant encouragement is making me want to write more and more everyday! LOVE YOU.  
Hope you kiddies enjoy this chapter. Let me know what ya think ;) _

_- Harley xx _

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I ran the mop across the already soapy floor, muttering furiously under my breath as I tried to scrub away the foot prints left behind by customers. The bandage was now gone from my arm, leaving nothing behind but a pink scar. I grabbed the bucket and slung the mop over my shoulder struggling to pull open the door. The mop threatened to fall from my arms, as water splashed over my uniform. I swore loudly. And then I heard... _him. _

"Thanks for holding that for us -err- Krusty!" The Joker said, his goons walking straight past me and through the open door. The mop crashed to the ground, the bucket along with it, as the Joker knocked my arm.

"Should be more careful there, Krusty. Someone could get...hurt."

I resisted the urge to throw my fist into his face and, instead, resorted to picking up the dropped items. I refused to clean up the puddle the Joker had caused. If any one fell...it was his fault. With a sigh I walked inside, dumped the mop and bucket, and retreated to my register. Whenever the Joker was around, it seemed, every one else disappeared.

"Do you have a life?" I snapped at him as he stared up at the menu, his very presence pissing me off.  
"All you ever do is come to McDonalds."

He grinned, leaning over the counter to stare directly into my eyes.  
"And all you ever do, is _work_ at Macca_**s**_. Do yoouu have a life, Krusty?"

I rolled my eyes.  
"Touché." The Joker tapped his head, his smile widening as he caught sight of something behind me. I turned around, grabbing the toy and shoving it at him.  
"Yeah, yeah...this is yours." I had painted the Ronald McDonald bobble head to look like him, just in case he _had_ decided to come back. The hair was now green, the clothing purple and the face white with little black smudges over the eyes and a very bright red line across the lips.

"Now _that_..." he held the doll up to his face, tilting his head to the side, "Is what I call a good looking action figure."

I raised an eyebrow at him.  
"Action figure? It doesn't actually do anythin-"

Before I could finish my sentence, the doll had been thrown forward, hitting my forehead with a loud crunch. I stumbled back, my hand instantly snapping to my throbbing head. I could already feel the beginnings of a large bump.  
"WHAT was that for?" I screamed, glaring at the Joker as he burst into a fit of laughter.  
"THA_**T**_ was my action figure." He leapt over the counter, picked up the toy, and held it up to me. The little arm was raised.  
"SeE? It DOES do something." He began to giggle. "It _punches_, people."  
I growled.  
"No it doesn't! It does nothing! You just threw it!"

The toy was thrown at me again, hitting me in the same spot.  
"Still has the same effec_**t. S**_ay- err – is that a bruise I see?"  
I turned my back on him, his laughter making my hands shake in fury.  
"Just get to the other side of the counter, so I can take your order." I said through clenched teeth. The Joker shook his head, reaching into his jacket pocket. I instinctively took a step back.  
"I think I'll- err-" he pulled the stolen Mcdonalds hat forward, pulling it over his chaotic hair. "Join you. You look a bit _beat. _Heh. I'll- err – give you some help."

"You are NOT going to work with me. You're a customer!"

He pulled a badge from his pocket, pinning it to his shirt. It said 'Mister.J'  
"Not – err – anymore." He turned to the register, jabbing a finger against the screen.  
"So- err- how does this wor_**k**_."

I took a deep breath.

_Just play along and he'll leave sooner... _

I stood beside him, explaining the on screen menu and the meaning of each button. He nodded as a woman and her son entered the resteraunt, completely oblivious. The joker raised his arm, beckoning them forward. The boy skipped to the register whilst his mum stood, frozen on the spot.  
"Hey- a- there." he grinned. "What can I get for y_**a**_."  
The boy couldn't have been older than six. His eyes glittered as he looked up at the man at the counter.  
"You're dressed like a clown!"  
"Yes. I am."  
"Are you Ronald McDonald?"  
"You could say _tha**t**." _He winked at me.  
"Cool! Um...can I have a chocolate milkshake! And...and a sundae. And my mum wants a diet coke."

The Joker punched the order in, turning to the icecream machine. He gave me an expectant glare. I rushed over, showing him how to work it. He watched as I made the sundae, taking it from me and throwing it in the bin when I had finished.  
"Now I'll -err - show you how it's done." He opened up the nearest cupboard, throwing items behind him as he searched.  
"AH!" he pulled forward a large bucket, one which used to be used to hold coupons. He began filling it with icecream. When it was completely full he pulled the lid from the chocolate container, pouring the whole lot on top.  
"That thing is bigger than the kid is!" I complained, biting my lip as the boy gave the 'sundae' an excited glance. The Joker shook me off, placing it on the counter before turning to the milkshake. That one, he made the proper size but, when his mother was distracted by the goon looming at her side, he reached for a packet of coffee, pouring it into the cup and mixing it in.  
"You can't do that!" I shrieked. "He's just a kid."  
"The caffeine will give him the kick he needs..." The Joker laughed, giving it to the boy and watching as he took the first sip. He then made up a regular sized, non-tampered with, cup of coke.  
"No jokes on this one?"I asked, shocked. The Joker shook his head.  
"She- err- asked for _diet._" he giggled, personally handing the cup to the mother as he hand shook violently.  
"Don't - err - worry about paying. It's on me..." he leant against the counter, watching as the mother tried to race her son out the door, whilst he dragged the huge sundae along the floor behind him.

The Joker raised his arm, calling his goons forward. They rattled off their orders, the Joker punching them in. He took the goons money and opened the drawer, literally pulling the whole thing out, handing it over.  
"And you're change."

"HEY!" I yelled, trying to snatch the drawer back. The Joker grabbed my arm.  
"Now, now, Krusty. The customer is simply receiving what's t_heir__**s**_. Don't be ru**d**e."

I let out a furious yell. "I am SO sick of this. I. Am. Out. Of. Here!"

I strode from the counter.

"Krusty get back here, we're not done."

"Fuck off!" I yelled furiously, throwing open the door and stepping outside. I heard the Joker's angry snarl and then footsteps coming after me. My mind shut off and I quickly slammed the door shut, wincing as the glass collided with the Joker's face.

"Oh no..."I groaned. I stepped back, watching the Joker with wide eyes as he threw open the door.  
"Krusty, Krusty, Krusty..." there was a snap as his blade sprung open. "Tha_**t**_ wasn't very nice."  
I let out a nervous laugh.  
"So we're even for the whole punching doll thing now, right?"

He grinned.  
"Wrong."

He jumped forward, his foot landing in the middle of the puddle. He slipped, stumbling forward, before he lost his grip on the still soapy floor and crashed straight into the bin in front of him. I couldnt help it. I laughed. It was hilarious. He pulled himself out, fries sticking out of his hair and a left over happy meal box on his head. He ripped it off, scrunching it in his hand before he threw it aside and pouced for me, grabbing me around the neck whilst I was in the midst of a laugh. I went silent instantly. The Joker grabbing my scarred arm.

"Strike two, Krusty..."

The blade ran across my skin, making a perfect gash next to the first. The Joker released me and I fell to the floor, grabbing the wound as he snapped his fingers.  
"You better behave yourself _next_ time. And -err-" he grabbed the tray of cups from his goons hands, throwing it to the ground. "I think you – err- missed a spot."

He ran off, laughing hysterically as I collapsed to the ground.

That clown was _dead. _


	4. Chapter 4

_It' s been a very long time, I know, and I'm REALLY sorry! What can I say? Uni life just takes it out of a gal! I want to send out a huge thank you to all those out there still reading my story! You're all absolutely amazing! Hope you enjoy._

– _xxx Harley_

_

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_

I stood at the counter, staring off into space. Usually I'd make an effort to, at least, _look_ like I was working. But not today. I could feel the resignation letter heavy in my pocket, weighing me down, a constant reminder that this was my last day. A huge smile spread across my face. _Nothing_ was going to ruin this day for me. A door closed at the back as my boss retreated to his office, my smile grew and I skipped to the milkshake machine, filling a cup with a mix of chocolate milk and ice-cream. I didn't bother going for a straw and, instead, tipped my head back and drank with a satisfied sigh. No more putting up with crying kids and their happy meal toys. No more smelling like fries whenever I finished a shift. No more Jok-

The glass door flew open and _he_ strode in. His heavy steps (making dirty footprints on the freshly cleaned floor) told me that he was not happy.  
"Hey there – err- Krusty." His voice was deadly, sharp, like the blade in his hand. But NOTHING was going to ruin my day. I took another swig of my drink, slamming it down on the counter as I stared at the Joker.  
"What can I get for you Jay?"  
"My, my aren't we in a good moo_**d**_ –ah. "He raised an eyebrow. "You got-a little something on you're –a li_**p**_, Krusty."  
I grinned, licking off the milk moustache and shoving the milkshake at his face.  
"You want one too?" His eyes flashed dangerously. I held back a laugh. I could be as annoying as him. It was time _the clown_ got a taste of his own medicine. I jumped onto the counter, swinging my legs around and pouring the drink over his face. It spilled down his chin, over his suit and dripped onto the floor. The blade flicked open and he growled.  
"Krusty…" the ice in his voice almost sent shivers down my spine. Almost. It was a warning.

I ignored it.

"See? Now you're just like me." I planted my feet beside him, throwing my arm up around the shoulders of the closest goon. Standing on tip-toe to reach him, I pointed with my other hand.  
"Doesn't he look just swell!" The goons face went red, his cheeks blowing up as he tried not to laugh. The Joker raised his eyebrows, making the milk moustache all the more funny. The goon lost it, falling into fits of laughter. I giggled along side him. The Joker pulled out a gun and the goon collapsed to the ground with a loud BANG. The restaurant fell completely silent. Those that weren't already under tables dove to the floor.  
"Now THAT just wasn't nice!" I said, stepping away from the goon. My heart thundered in my chest and I tried to hide my fear as I edged back toward the counter.  
"Ah, ah ah…now where do you think you're going sweetcheeks!" He grabbed my arm, a terrifying smile stretching the scars on his cheeks.  
"I believe I have _something_ on my face."  
I snorted.  
"You do."  
His grip on my arm tightened painfully.  
"And-err- _how_ did you remove your_**s-ah**_."  
"Licked it off." I shrugged. His grin widened.  
"Then, if you please…" he leant toward me, the smell of grease paint filling my nostrils.  
"You want me to do what? Bugger off!" I tried to pull away, the Joker's grip was to strong.  
"Now, now Krusty. You made a mess. Time to clean. It. up." His eyes twinkled. I grimaced, reaching behind me for the cup on the counter. I forced the lid off and practically threw it at his face.  
"How about some bubbled water?" The sprite splashed over his mouth, stripping away the moustache and dripping down to form a horrible mess on the suit. I laughed nervously.  
"I'm assuming it wasn't expensive?"  
"The suit?" he growled again. "Well, it _was_ new. I bought it today with the money provided, to me, by your wonderful restauran_**t**_."  
My eyes narrowed.  
"How wonderful for you."  
"Well ya see Krusty-" he pulled me forward by the shirt, throwing me into a chair at the nearest table as the previously seated family ran off.  
"- I've actually had a very bad day. And you see, that's all it take_**s**_."  
"All it takes for what?"  
"hushhshshsh!" He pulled the Joker bobble-head from his suit, planting it on the table between us.  
"Mini Jay likes to listen when I tell stories." He winked, I groaned. The goons gathered like kindergarten children around their favourite teacher. My boss walked out, saw the group of goons in his restaurant _again_ and fainted, as usual.

"Now. My day. I woke up, bright and early. I went and had my suit re-made." He glared at me. "It _was_ perfect. As I left the store, having done _nothing_ wrong, I stepped around the corner to find the street blocked off by Gordon and his men!" His eyes widened in mock concern, I let out a bored sigh.  
"Someone ratted me out. The _batman._ All for buying a little suit."  
"You blew up a building, killed at least fifteen people in a boating accident and set that guy on fire…" He rolled his eyes.  
"_That _was last week. SO! I try to sneak past them, blend in. But it doesn't work. Guess my – err- incredible good looks just can't be hidden, ay Krusty?"  
"Oh yes Mister.J you're a stunner." I said, dripping sarcasm. He winked.  
"Well, they pull out their guns and start- err – shouting, one of them tries firing, to scare me!" He let out a laugh.  
"Trying to scare _me._ So I turn to him, smiling and the poor kid drops his gun falls to his knees and bursts into tears! Right there in the street!"  
"I can tell you feel horribly guilty."  
"Oh I'm torn up about it, Krusty!" he grinned. "The other cops start to get nervou_**s**_. Start backing away, still yelling. So I reach into my pocket. They all raise their guns higher, sweat dripping off their head_**s**_; two of them jump behind their cars. Passersby are frozen in _fear_…"  
He leant back in his chair, staring at me, waiting for a reaction. I couldn't help it, I was intrigued. I took the bait.  
"So, what happened?"  
"They raise their guns, ready to shoot. The batman is up in the biggest, highest building, watching over the whole scene…ready to jump in and save the day! … So I pull a bagel out of my pocket. And they fire! Bread went flying everywhere; my bagel fell to the ground, full of holes and landed in a puddle. Everyone was screaming and crying! People were running everywhere!" He took a deep breath, as if to continue, but then stopped. There was silence, nobody moved or spoke for what seemed like hours.  
"And…then what?" I whispered, afraid to interrupt the tension in the room.  
"Well-ah. I turned around, jumped in the truck and _chuckles_ here drove us away."  
"So that's it! You didn't get shot? The batman didn't take you away? You didn't even pull out a gun?"  
"What do you mean that's i_**t?**_ Weren't you – err- listening, Krusty. I _dropped my Bagel._"

My mouth fell open in shock as the Joker burst into hysterical laughter, the goons chuckling around him.  
"_That_ was your bad day! You dropped a bagel – a fucking bagel – and you storm in here like someone's stolen you're fucking truck or something!"

"Mind you're – err – tongue Krusty." The blade was pressed suddenly against my cheek. Any more language like tha_**t**_, and I may have to cut it out."  
I pulled away from him, gobsmacked. "But it was a bagel!"  
"NO! It was _my_ bagel. And now I'm _hungry._"  
I completely forgot my desire to annoy the Joker and, instead, strode to the counter, set up the screen and shrugged.  
"Well damn. If all you want is food then…What can I get for you?"  
"A bagel." He said, leaving the table to stand in front of me.  
"We don't have bagels."  
"Then go and get. me ._one!_"  
"You want me to leave my shift, go downtown and buy you a bagel, whilst you wait here in the restaurant? No way in hell."  
"And why no_**t?**_"  
"When I come back the place will probably be a pile of ash and play equipment! Go and get your own bagel."  
"That's no way to treat your customers Krusty. You may get fire_**d**_…"  
I laughed, my eyes twinkling as I pulled the letter from my pocket and shoved it in his face.  
"I don't care what happens during this shift! It's not my problem anymore. I'm quitting!"  
A smile found it's way onto his face.  
"You – err – don't care wha_**t**_ happens?" The Joker turned to the nearest goon and gestured at the window. The goon cracked his knuckled, leant back and SMACK! Sent his fist flying through the glass.  
"What are you doing? My Boss will have a fit!"  
"It's-ah – not your problem, ay Krusty?"  
I growled, running my hands through my hair.  
"Fine! Do what you want, I don't care!"  
The joker shrugged and leant over the counter, ripping the screen up and throwing it into the fry grease. My eyes widened, fists clenched at my sides, but I remained silent. The Joker snapped his fingers and, knowing what to do, the goons set to work destroying the restaurant. Uplifting tables, snapping chairs, overturning bins, Frisbee-ing trays into walls and the remaining windows. One of the, larger, goons ended up stuck halfway down the slide. Chaos reigned around me, my moral picking away at my brain until I couldn't take it any more.  
"ALRIGHT STOP!" the goons froze. The Joker stopped kicking the goon who was stuck halfway down the slide and turned around.  
"I'll get your god damn Bagel. Sit down. Wait here and DON'T touch ANYTHING else."  
I stormed from the restaurant, muttering curses under my breath as the Joker found one of the non-broken chairs to sit on.

I returned 40 minutes later, a steaming bagel in a bag at my side. The restaurant, to my surprise was in the same state it had been in when I had left. I grinned. The goons were gathered around the Joker, mini Jay on the table. I assumed it was story time again. I marched to the table, throwing the bag into the middle of the group with a proud grin.  
"There! One bagel. You better appreciate it! It took me ages to find the place, I got lost almost four times! Then the bagel I wanted was taken by the woman in front of me, so I had to wait for a new lot to be brought out. Then I had to get them to heat it up. Got into a huge argument with the server because of it! Then, on my way back, a group of stupid schoolkids tried to make me hand it over! I've never been through so much just for one bagel, in my life!"

The goons, after my speech, slowly pulled their chairs back so I could see the Joker. He was leaning back, content, in his chair, a huge chocolate milk at his side and a half-eaten bagel on a napkin in front of him. My blood went cold.  
"WHAT is that?" I said through clenched teeth, my nails digging into my palms.  
"A bagel. I-err – found another one in my other pocket…guess you didn't need to go anywhere after all, Krusty."

I let out a furious scream, ripped off my hat and badge and threw them to the floor.  
"My shift ended half an hour ago! I, officially, quit! And as for your Bagel!" I stomped over to the Joker, snatched the bagel from his napkin and shoved the whole thing in my mouth. With a smug grin I took his drink, swallowing every drop.  
"Bad day my ass! Try working here! THAT is a bad fucking day."  
The Joker sighed, slowly sliding back from his chair and standing up.  
"That, was my bagel…" he said under his breath, raising his head to look at me with murderous eyes.  
"Yeah, _was_." He grabbed my arm, pulled out the switchblade and grimaced.  
"Sorry – err- Krusty. That's strike three… You're ou_**t**_."

…

* * *

_To be continued. Stay tuned, kiddies... :)_


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